Internalized Misogyny

Here is the transcription of my most recent video blog:

(And here’s the audio on AnchorFM)

Hey everybody, this is Queen Mab. I am a drummer, percussionist, comedian, solo performer, and now “blogger,” and I would like to talk to you today about my own internalized misogyny. Gee, what a fun topic, right?

So this has been coming up for me lately in a number of different ways. I’m going to talk about three of them here. The first one is like most English-speaking humans with access to a computer and an Internet connection these days, I have been watching Ted Lasso. Actually, it might not be fair to say “most English-speaking humans,” because it’s on Apple+, and who has Apple+? Nobody, right? I only got it for Ted Lasso, which is a decision I question frequently. But anyways…back to, I was watching Ted Lasso, and…I really struggle with the character of Keeley. I don’t like her at all. And I don’t like that I don’t  like her. Because I read this article last year [I just found three different articles; I can’t remember which one it was] that was talking about how much the writer admired the writers of Ted Lasso for having Keeley and Rebecca be actual friends on the show. Because in almost any other TV show, if you had, you know, a younger woman like Keeley, and an older woman like Rebecca, there would be rivalry and they would not be nice to each other. And unfortunately, that is also likely what it would look like in real life, so how cool that on this TV show, there’s two women who actually like each other and help each other out. Revolutionary! Okay?

I don’t like Keeley…first of all, because she reminds me of a lot of people that I went to school with in middle school and high school when Britney Spears and Christina Aguilera were the thing, and everybody was running around in crop tops all the time. Ugh! It was really gross; I didn’t like it. She reminds me of that, and then also she’s with Roy Kent, and I would like to be with Roy Kent. Roy Kent and I would probably clash, because I think we’re a little bit too similar – I’m not quite as hairy, but I’m pretty close – but the reality is that on this TV show…ha! reality on a TV show…he’s with Keeley. And so my brain says to me, “Well, okay…if you want a Roy Kent, you have to be Keeley.” And guess what? I’m never gonna be, okay?

So I can look at my dislike of her for the way she dresses and the way she behaves, and I can say, “You know what? That’s my internalized misogyny.” Because, I mean she’s really not that bad of a person. And so every time I watch Ted Lasso, I think, “God, I’m a terrible person,” because I dislike her so much. Anyway – so there’s the first one.

The second instance of internalized misogyny that has been coming up for me is my shame about the fact that I listen to Glennon Doyle and Brené Brown. I think a few episodes ago I actually called myself out on that, and I said, “Oh, I’m so basic, because I listen to Glennon Doyle, and I listen to Brené Brown.” Well, pause for a second – would I be saying that if I was listening to podcasts run by dudes? No. Okay? I guess – you know, my thinking is that because they’re white women, they’re somehow frivolous or superficial or you know, not as serious, but…here’s the deal. I think that they’re both actually really good role models, especially Brené Brown. I mean, she interviews some cool people like…I just got done listening to her interview with Dr. Yaba Blay, and Dr. Clint Jones [should be Dr. Clint Smith! My bad!], and I forget who the dude was with Oprah where they were talking about trauma, but I mean, that is some good stuff. And even Glennon Doyle…I mean, you know, she’s an activist, and she talks about racism and sexism and all these really heavy topics on her show, so…you know…I don’t think it was fair for me to say that.

So the last thing I’ll say is at work, we’re reading “The Person YOU Mean To Be” by Dolly Chugh. And she says that using the Harvard Implicit Association Test, they’ve actually proved that women tend to be more misogynistic than men. And I think I’m realizing that I am part of that problem. So anyway, I don’t know what to do. I guess keep working on it. Keep thinking about it. I wish that I liked being female more than I do. I just feel like I’m not very good at it and never have been very good at it. But anyway, that’s probably for another episode. If you like what I’m talking about, you can subscribe, or like, or leave me a comment; I’d love to hear from you. And I think that’s all I have for you. See you next time!