Here is the transcription of my most recent video blog:
(And here’s the audio on AnchorFM)
Hey everybody, it’s Queen Mab here, and if you see me wearing this shirt, it means that I was either doing a rehearsal or performing my solo show, “Yes, No, Maybe So,” because this is the shirt that I always wear when I do my show. And I had a tech rehearsal today in Los Angeles, and so I drove three hours up and three hours back, and I’m very, very tired. But I’m feeling very happy today because the tech rehearsal went relatively smoothly. I feel good about the cuts that I made, and last night I was able to avoid having a meltdown.
Now, I’ve been talking pretty openly about my neurodiversity and likely autism, and one of the big clues for me when I was finding out that this is my neurotype was the fact that I do periodically have meltdowns. And for a very long time, I thought that this was a personal failing, and I would go, and I would go to therapy, and I would go to support groups, and I would work really, really hard every time I would have one of these, and I would say, “Okay, this is the last time, and this is never gonna happen again!” And inevitably, it would happen again.
So one of the reasons that it’s so important to me to talk about neurodiversity and to talk about my own struggles is so that someone else can see that these meltdowns – though I think it is really important to learn how to manage them, because they can cause a lot of harm, and I know I’ve caused a lot of harm from melting down in public spaces and other not-so-great situations – is to know what they are, so that Number 1, I can be compassionate with myself, and number 2, so that I can learn to effectively manage them.
And last night was a big win for me, because I felt that I was going into meltdown territory. I’m really, really stressed at work. I’m grieving the death of a friend. And boy, grief is something that will definitely push me into meltdown territory if I’m not very mindful of everything that I’m feeling and everything that’s going on. So work, grief, and then a solo show is a lot of small alligators and loose ends that sort of need battening down, and that kind of planning can be difficult for those of us who are neurodiverse. I can do it, but when all the other stuff is going on, that also makes those things very hard.
So I was trying to tie up all the loose ends so that everything would be perfect for this tech rehearsal tomorrow…and man, it was 8:00 [pm], and I hit a wall. I mean, I could feel it…my body was just feeling heavy, and my heart was racing, and my thoughts were racing, and I called a couple of friends to try to regulate, and that helped a little bit. I did a little bit of meditation to try to regulate, and that also helped a little bit, but then when it came time to deal with the small alligators again, it was just…(claps hands)…it wasn’t happening.
So I finally realized that I just needed to lie down, and so at 9:00 [pm], I went to sleep, and I set the alarm to wake up at 4:00am, which is what I needed to do to deal with the small alligators, and I thought, “Okay! I’ll have a little extra time when I get to LA to finish the script changes that I need to make.” Nope. (laughs) My tech rehearsal started at 9:00 [am]. I left San Diego at 5:30 [am]. I got to the playhouse at 8:45 [am]. Yep. True story.
So anyway, I’m just feeling glad that I was able to notice what was going on with me, and take care of myself such that I did not have a meltdown, and show up, and do the tech rehearsals today, and now we’re all set for October 19, so hey! I hope to see you there for “Yes, No, Maybe So” – either in person or streaming. I’ll post a link below, and I’d also love to hear from you, especially if you’re a neurodivergent person. How do you manage meltdowns and shutdowns? What works for you? Don’t forget to like, comment, subscribe, and if you’d like to see more of my content, you can visit queenmabmusic.com. Thanks, bye!