Here is the transcription of my most recent video blog:
(And here’s the audio on AnchorFM)
Hey everybody, it’s Queen Mab, and today I am going to talk to you about stimming. Stimming is short for “self-stimulation,” which I think is kind of an awkward way to describe it. I also found that some people it “stereotypic behavior,” although I’ve never heard an actual human say that, so I might be pronouncing it wrong, but…
Anyway, it’s basically just repetitive movements that those of us who are neurodiverse do in order to calm ourselves down from the overwhelm that we’re feeling from our environment. And I remember the first time that I heard this word, it was probably in The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Nighttime, and then I read an interview with Temple Grandin where she was talking about…she had a pen, and she was like, clicking on the pen, and she said, “Oh, look at me, I’m totally stimming out on this pen!” And I felt this flash, like, “Oh my God, I think that might be something that I do!” But I dismissed it. I was like “Yeah, you know, maybe I do it, but I don’t think I do enough to actually be autistic.”
Well, now that I’m investigating this very likely possibility that I am autistic, I can see that I have a number of stims. So the biggest one – and the one that probably gets me in the most trouble – is talking to myself, okay? I love to talk to myself. It’s how I process what’s going on around me. It’s how I calm myself down. It’s how I problem solve. It’s how I make sense of things. Frankly, it’s the reason that I’m able to do this vlog, because I am very practiced at sitting here talking to…maybe no one, okay? The problem is it’s not a socially acceptable thing to do, and I have to be very careful. And the hardest place for me is in my home, because sometimes I’ll be talking to myself, and I won’t realize that the people I live with can hear me, and…it’s just really hard, and really frustrating, and really embarrassing.
Another big stim that I do is jiggling my leg like this. And I have been shamed and called out for doing that so many times. But now, I actually let myself do it – especially if I’m on Zoom or something like that. It really, really helps me to calm down and stay focused – as long as I’m aware that I’m doing it, okay?
And another one is picking at my fingernails like this. I do this constantly. Scratching my head is another one. If I sit down to read a book, I can’t just sit and read. I have to like, claw at my scalp for whatever reason.
And then another one – like, an obvious one for me and what I do – is drumming on things. And this is something I’ve had to train myself not to do, because I used to get into a lot of trouble for doing it in middle school. One time when I was in high school, I was doing a presentation in Spanish class, and our teacher used to film them so we could go back and watch ourselves speak Spanish and hear how horrible we sounded. And I was holding up this presentation board, and we were waiting for something, and I was drumming on the side of the poster board like this. [Moves fingers] And so then the teacher put the videotape (I’m dating myself here) – she put the videotape in the VCR, and she was rewinding so we could watch the presentation from the beginning…and my fingers were going like this [moves fingers quickly], and she said, “Hey, everybody! Look at Catherine’s fingers!” And the whole class had a good laugh about my stim. So after that, I really tried to control it so that I wouldn’t do it.
And in my last post, I referenced the fact that often, when I hear music – even if it’s bad music…even if it’s something really embarrassing, like…I need to move. Like I can remember once being in the grocery store with my mom, and I think it was like…”Blinded by the Light” or something, came on the speakers, and I started to dance, and my mom looked at me, and she was like, “Bruce Springsteen…really?” It literally doesn’t matter what it is, okay? I will move. Even Britney Spears. Especially Britney Spears!
Okay…anyways, so that’s how I stim. If you’re neurodivergent, I’d love to hear about how you stim if you’re comfortable sharing that. Thanks so much for tuning in, and I will see you next time.
Ok–wow. This is weird and surprising because, not only do I do at least two of these things, but I recognize these things in LOTS of people, including strangers on the street/train/bus, etc. i.e. They are EXTREMELY COMMON. So, are we ALL neurodivergent? Or, is stimming just natural with or without being neurodivergent? (e.g. babies and small children sucking their thumb to self-soothe. We actually do that in the womb.) Or, are people wrongly self-diagnosing? Or, is there some specific, significant difference in the amount/way/degree to which people do it that qualifies them as neurodivergent? I def do NOT think I’m on the spectrum, nor do I think all these countless others can be. Hmm…
I think it has to do with frequency and ability to control it. I’ve been yelled at many times for doing these things without even realizing I was doing them. There are also other markers that need to be there in order for a person to be neurodivergent or “on the spectrum,” such as social difficulties, spacial awareness issues, and working memory problems, to name a few. Speaking as a teacher, I believe it’s a lot more common than most people think.