Here is the transcription of my most recent video blog:
(And here’s the audio on AnchorFM)
Hey everybody, this is Queen Mab, and I am going to talk to you today about conserving spoons. Now, “spoon theory” comes from a little story that was written by Christine Miserandino. (I really hope I said her last name right). And she used spoons when she was in a diner with a friend to explain what it was like to live with a chronic illness. In her case, it was lupus. And she gave a bunch of spoons to her friend, and she said, “Okay. To do daily tasks that you kind of take for granted, it’s going to cost you a certain number of spoons.” And basically, I’ll post a link so you can read the real story, but by the time that this friend had completed the tasks of waking up and showering and doing everything to get ready for work, she had like…half of her spoons gone, okay?
And finding out about my neurodivergence has given me permission to understand that this concept applies to me. I think I had heard of spoon theory prior to learning about my autism, and I just thought, “Oh, well, whatever. That doesn’t apply to me. I’m just a spoiled middle class person who hasn’t really had to work in my life, so that’s why I get so tired with all these basic things, and I just need to suck it up and push through.” That’s really been my mantra throughout my life is like, “Suck it up and push through.”
And I’m learning now that I can’t do that. That I have to really – just like she says in the story – I have to take stock, and I have to think about how much energy certain tasks are going to take for me. One of the hardest things for me is that my day job, which is teaching middle school, takes a lot of spoons. And I try very hard not to talk about that job here on this vlog, because part of the purpose of this vlog is to give me an identity outside of that, okay? But it really takes a lot of energy, which is part of the reason that I feel very resentful about it. Because when it’s done, I don’t always have the energy that I would like to have to do the things that I would like to do, such as my show, or this blog, or make music. But the problem is those things don’t pay, and the teaching does, okay?
So I really wanted to make it to 100 videos in 100 days, and that is still very important to me. However, I am recognizing that I really need to concern…concern?…CONSERVE my spoons, especially now that I’m grieving the loss of my friend. So I’m not necessarily saying that I’m going to stop, but I think I really do need to take stock and see if it really is the best idea for me to be posting every single day. I’m afraid that if I dial back, that I’m going to fall off the wagon and just stop doing it altogether, because I will tell you right now, social media is still a really big struggle for me. And one of the things I tell myself is, “Well, I have to post every day, because I’m not really generating quality content here. I’m just generating quantity,” you know? Like, I’m not giving you super beautiful, edited videos where I make no mistakes, and I have background music, and I have pretty pictures. No, I just have the bathroom…bathroom…it’s not showing up, where’s the bathroom? There it is! Haha! Okay.
So anyway, this is where I’m at. This is what I need to think about. I…as I said, I drove to Los Angeles and back yesterday, and I’m so, so tired. That was for a tech rehearsal for my show. And I’m even asking myself the question – “Is it worth it to do all this driving?” Because again, I’ve been doing my show for awhile now, and the people that are likely to come and see it have all already seen it. So the idea is to be trying to get NEW audiences, but I guess I’m just a little bit skeptical that anybody who doesn’t know me is going to sign up to see a show about consent, because it’s such a difficult topic. So, I guess we’ll see. It’s important to me to be professional and show up and do my October 19 show even though I am literally going to have to move heaven and Earth to make it happen, but…like I said, I want to be professional.
So anyway, I hope you got something out of that. That’s all I have for you today. Don’t forget to like, comment, subscribe, and you can visit queenmabmusic.com for more of my content and for tickets to see my show – for FREE – in person or streaming on October 19 at 7:30pm Pacific time. Thanks so much. Bye!