Here is the transcription of my most recent video blog:
(And here’s the audio on AnchorFM)
Hey friends, it’s Queen Mab again…coming at you from my car again, haha…and today I’d like to talk to you about a book that I just finished reading called “Quit Like A Woman” by Holly Whitaker. And this is a book that had been on the periphery of my consciousness for a while. I think I had read some articles by Holly talking about alcohol and alcohol culture and how it’s marketed towards women as a way to sort of anesthetize them to all of the sexism and nonsense that they have to put up with on a daily basis.
So I finally read this book, and I really enjoyed it. I didn’t think that it was the first book to say what it says, though…which is essentially that the Twelve Steps and Twelve Step Programs were developed by powerful white cis hetero men in the 1930’s…white, cis, hetero Christian men, specifically…in the 1930’s…and that for folks who fall outside of being male, or Christian, or heterosexual, or white, or men, or any of these other things that they are…the Twelve Steps do not work as well or at all.
The first book that I read to make this assertion is called “Powerfully Recovered!” by Anne Wayman. Anne is somebody who I have a lot of respect for, and that book not only questions the Twelve Steps; it questions this idea that if you’re an alcoholic, or if you’re in any other Twelve Step program for any other problem, that you’re sick forever, and you’re never going to recover. That’s why the book is called “Powerfully Recovered!”
Now I have been in a Twelve Step program for about ten years at this point. It’s not for food or beverage or substances; it’s for codependency issues. I’ve actually participated in a total of…I think four different programs. Two were the money programs – Debtors Anonymous and Underearners Anonymous…and then the codependency program, and also the Adult Children of Alcoholics program. And as I said, I’ve been in for ten years, and I’m at a place where I’m really questioning it.
And another book that I found about a year ago that really resonated with me is called “Moving Beyond the 12 Steps” by Charlotte Kasl…I think I’m getting that title correct. [I’m not – it’s called “Many Roads, One Journey.”] And again, she’s saying all of the exact same things that Holly Whitaker and Anne Wayman also say. I’ve even heard Brené Brown and Glennon Doyle talk about how the Twelve Step programs initially helped them a lot, but they also found that there was something that ultimately didn’t fit.
So that’s where I’m at right now. It’s really nice to read some books that are mirroring my experiences. I also need to call out the fact, though, that every single author that I have just mentioned is a white, cisgendered woman. So I probably need to look at some other points of view about the Twelve Steps. And if you know any books like that, please recommend them to me, because I would love to read them.
But I think I’m feeling really frustrated with how hard I have worked these programs, with how diligently I have shown up and done the step work, and had a sponsor, and gone to meetings, and done service, and done all of these things. And yeah, there are some very measurable ways that my life has improved – AND, there are a lot of things about my life that look exactly the same as they did when I started.
And if I were to say that in the rooms, it would be very easy to point the finger back at me and say “Oh, well it’s because, you know, you didn’t turn it over, and you didn’t surrender, and you’re being led by your ego!” I think that’s a whole other video – to talk about ego. But you know the truth is that I think there are a lot of systemic reasons why I’m in some of the situations that I’m in. And the Twelve Steps and the Twelve Step programs don’t really take those into account. They kind of make it look like everything is an individual failing, which is why – to go back to Anne’s book, and Holly’s book, and Charlotte Kasl’s book – they don’t work as well for the people who have less power in society.
So anyway, I’m at five minutes. I’ve had a lot to say. Thank you very much for tuning in. If you’d like to see more of my fun, interesting, happy, entertaining content, you can visit queenmabmusic.com. Don’t forget to like, comment, and subscribe, and I’ll see you next time. Bye!